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i just hate thinking about all of this
why can’t last night happen all the time
then i’d be happy
i’d be completely okay and happy instead of worrying like a little bitch every time this happens.
# personal---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You make me feel beautiful.
# personal---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What a good night. :)♥
# nights like these should last for forever # personal---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i feel better after i finally managed to say everything i needed to. now i’m blank on what to say but i’ll probably find more as usual. i don’t know. i think too much. it’s all just the same. i want you back. but you don’t want a relationship. not with me. not with anyone else either but i don’t care about anyone else because you specifically also don’t want one with me and that just…”i couldn’t talk to you when we were in a relationship because i was angry at you. i was always angry at you and now that we’re not in a relationship we can talk because i can’t hold that against you.” i mean, i get it. but i’ll continue to say that it’s my fault and what you said proves that it was. i made you angry and didn’t want to be with me anymore. “married” as you put it since you couldn’t bear to be the one to break it off this time. lucky you that i care about what you’re feeling more than i care about myself most of the time so i knew i had to do it. you didn’t leave me much choice. but i am angry at you for not fight for me. you let it fall apart as fast as it did. after everything you still don’t fight for me no matter how much you love me.
but i feel even better that we got to talk though. just talk. about our days. you talked about your family and i did about mine and about our days and it was just all really nice. i miss you. your smell. your everything. but maybe you shouldn’t keep everything in. talk to me or talk to christina if you need to but you really are on edge. i could feel it. take a break. let something out and stop hiding behind all the drugs/alcohol.
# personal---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i always say or do the wrong thing for you nowadays.
i’m sorry i’m not your “perfect” girl that you met when i was 12 anymore.
but will you please stop pushing me away?
# personal---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
it’s my fault my fault my faaaault
# self loathing post of the day # personal # yaaay---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this week in mexico, once again, was like last year. a detox. it’s great how history repeats itself, huh? not.
i also wonder if you worry about me this much when i drink. you drink so much more than me and more than you should. but nothing of what i say every sinks in. and now you’re drinking daily and just ugh. you don’t have a limit and that’s what scares me.
# personal # alcohol # don't drink or do drugs kitties # it consumes you afterwards---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i’ve had too much time to think this week and this is what i’ve finally come up with even though i already knew it
this is all my fault
# it is # personal # truth # i ruined us # and it was so good # we were so happy---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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